Old Weird Ward
Unless otherwise noted, that which is posted here is opinion, which is protected by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. If you don't like my opinions, go somewhere else. Nobody is forcing you to actually read this drivel.
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Friday, June 18, 2004
THE LEFTIST'S BOOK OF GENESIS
By G. Meredith
"In the beginning State created the earth and proclaimed Heaven a myth believed only by the ignorant among those who were yet to come."
"And the earth was without form, and void: and darkness was upon its waters."
"And State declared, 'Let there be light,' and, after all the proper forms were completed and the necessary regulatory findings were promulgated, there was light in the space of but a few billion years."
"And State saw the light, that it was good; and State divided the light from the darkness, proclaiming the light day and the darkness night, so that those who would show up in the service of the State Almighty would know when to stamp the forms and when to rest for the next day's putting-off."
"And State emitted gaseous matter to provide even the darkness with sufficient light so that those who were yet to come would not stumble over the homeless on their way to the toilet, with its government-mandated flushing capacity of just one and one-half gallons."
"And the seven and one-half hours of morning and afternoon were the official first day."
"And State divided the waters, raising up dryland in their midst, so that great edifices could be erected in Its service and dedicated to the greater glory of State Almighty. And State declared the divided waters to be called seas and oceans, and the dryland to be called federal preserves. And State saw that it was good."
"And State commanded the dryland to bring forth all manner of grasses and herbs and great tress, each yielding its seed to the earth, and State created all the little creepy-crawly critters that they might enrich the soil and feed the seeds so that they might replenish themselves and keep the air pure; all in compliance with State's EPA regulations and the Clean Air Act. And State saw that it was good."
"And the seven and one-half hours of morning and afternoon were the official second day."
"And State commanded that the waters of the seas and the dirt of the dryland should bring forth abundantly all the creatures great and small that hath life and move first in the seas in compliance with the Pure Water Act, and then also on the environmentally assessed dryland, and every winged fowl to fly in the pure air: and they shall all be known as protected species. Thusly was created the forests and grasses of the Wilderness, and the great seas, and the great purity of air and life-giving rain, all each in its own pristine glory."
"And State commanded that the days and nights should gather themselves together in perfect order that they might be signs of the changing seasons and passing years so that those who were yet to come might measure the proper lapse of time before the issuing of a building permit."
"And the seven and one-half hours of morning and afternoon were the official third day."
"And State looked about and saw all that It had created was good, but that It still had not anyone to serve Its best interests and to protect all the creatures that have life and move in the seas and on the dryland, and the fowl that fly on the air, nor the sea itself, nor the land itself, nor the air itself. So it came to pass that it was the time for those who were yet to come to be created by State and be brought forth, that they might serve State to fulfill Its wonderful vision for the perfection of the Universe."
"And State declared, 'Let us make mankind in our image, after our likeness: and let him serve our interests, and let him protect the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and the cattle, and all the Earth, dirt and water, and be subservient to every crawly thing that creepeth upon the land and in the water, and, verily, even in the air.' So it came to pass that State sought out the place of the worst watery and muddy muck, and did kneeleth in the filth and the slime, laboring to create, and did create man in Its own image, in the image of State created It him, male and female created It him."
"And State charged mankind, male and female, that they serve It to Its greater glory, and to be subservient to every crawly critter that creepeth on the dirt and in the water and air, and to leave no footprint themselves save in the service of the power and majesty that is State."
"And the seven and one-half hours of morning and afternoon were the official fourth day."
"So it was that it came to pass that State created all the wonders of existence in but four days, overcoming all previous records, so that mankind, Its servant, might have an official three-day weekend to collect at the lakes and the other gathering places in devotion and celebration of the manifold wonders and glories of State, the Almighty."
Amen.
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