Old Weird Ward
Unless otherwise noted, that which is posted here is opinion, which is protected by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. If you don't like my opinions, go somewhere else. Nobody is forcing you to actually read this drivel.
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Sunday, November 16, 2003
- - - - - Sunday Devotions - - - - -
On Sunday, it behooves one to think of God. I have maintained for years that God did not invent Government, and in fact would be dismayed by Government. Now, after using the World Wide Web to search, High and Low, I have found why God is exasperated with Government. (With thanks to Dan Seto at www.seto.org/mt-diary/2003/index.html)
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A Story of Creation
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why He shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.
At the hearing, God was asked why He began His earthly project in the first place. He replied that He just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light."
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying He would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that He intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review His many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....
At this point, God created Hell. But as that name was already held by a private company incorporated in Aruba and had patented the name, He instead called it "Government".
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