Old Weird Ward
Unless otherwise noted, that which is posted here is opinion, which is protected by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. If you don't like my opinions, go somewhere else. Nobody is forcing you to actually read this drivel.
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That may be a large assumption.
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Monday, April 07, 2003
- - - - - The Proper Role of the United States in World Affairs - - - - -
Got this from my In-Laws. I have, of course, filed off the serial numbers and changed names to protect the guilty.
This is meant to be funny but seems to me it is a pretty good plan. My comments and suggestions are in (parentheses).
OK America! Here's the Plan!!!
1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know; Hitler, Mussolini and the rest of them good old boys'. We will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We could station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who they are or where they are from. France would welcome them, right? (I'm sure they would.)
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself, don't hide here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers. (And, no converting "tourist" visas to permanent residence status. Period. Regardless of marital status. Go back to your country of origin, then apply to immigrate.)
5) No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby. (And, no converting "student" visas to permanent resident status. Finished with your studies? Back home you go.)
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while. (Make that "strong effort" into a Manhattan Project type of thing.)
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. (I would tend to go for $15 or $20/bbl, but that's nit-picking)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere". They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if any anyway.
(8a) (American volunteer groups are on their own. If they go into a place that's hazardous, and if they get into trouble, they're on their own.)
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the UN Building in NYC would make a good homeless shelter or a lockup for illegal aliens. (Since it's right next to the river, it'd be convenient for putting the illegals right back on the boat.)
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. (We should all also go to a dance school, to learn how to dance around awkward facts.)
(11 - Promote the idea of an "Association of English-speaking Nations". English is the default language of choice in international Air-Traffic Control, and most foreign business persons who wish to deal with the US speak English. Let's make our own "Language Bloc" of nations, and extend our influence.)
Now, ain't that a winner of a plan!
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